It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
