i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just gargled with NyQuil
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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