my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
