The best revenge is premature balding
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
