i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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