Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
