Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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