I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
