YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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