Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
