my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
