I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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