tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We named our party play list daddy issues
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
