Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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