you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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