it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize