It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
