I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Be still, my beating vagina.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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