Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
