yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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