nut hugger
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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