Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
