Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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