i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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