ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
