I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
