i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
