i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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