I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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