I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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