do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
