I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize