we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I need a beard to bite.
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