Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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