fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
