I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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