I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
