How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
