Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
