I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
