No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
