worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
