So drunk its hurt
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
this hospital has no fireball
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
