i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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