I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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