to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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