Even the bartender felt bad for me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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