I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
