if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
