Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
