Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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