i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
