Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
