My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
