I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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