lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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