I'm jealous of your bromance
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
