how can u be prego again
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
