She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
