how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
