those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
