No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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