ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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