I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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