Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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