Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Come share oat with me in your robe
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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