physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
