Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
