I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
