i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You have to summon your inner elephant
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
