so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
