Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
