So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
