weddingsv make me drug and hornr
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
