at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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