***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
