Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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