Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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